This dream is the most intense dream that I have ever had to date. The dream shares themes and topics expressed in Aleister Crowley’s “Moonchild”; however I had not read Moonchild at the time I had this dream. The dream is situated in a circus themed town, an order of white magicians face off with an order of black magicians in a gruesome and intesne set of affairs.
This dream starts with an aerial fly over of the circus / city, humongous circus tents stretch to the horizon line, encapsulated by gigantic looming concrete walls that keep all the residents captive. The walls have four huge gates situated in the north, south, east and west locations, which are also guarded, very few individuals are able to pass through these gates.
Within the confines of these walls, woven into the fabric of these circus tents, a dark energy reveals itself. Two orders, one, white magic, orientated towards bringing love and light into this circus town, another, black magic, orientated towards bringing chaos and suffering into this circus town. These two orders enter the twilight of this dream in order to wage conflict with one another, hoping that each succeeds in bringing their desired outcomes to the surface level of the human experience in this circus town.
The dream starts with an initiation of myself into the druide order of the white magic group, the order consists of around fifteen individuals, male and female and ranging from around their younger thirties into their elder years. We value the divine nature of nature and seek to know all that is through communication with this higher power. The initiation is something of a magical ceremony, etheral energies that encapsulate all of the elements swirl through a golden ratio portal, manifesting into symbols and sigils of golden light that swirl around my physical body and print a pentagram made of golden light on the floor around me. As I am initiated into this order, I feel a divine energy and power, that is beyond space and time, filling up the essence of my being, I can feel my connection to the universe, my place as an integral part within it and it, within me, fully connected. This initiation happens in a ethereal space, beyond the confines of the physical limitations laid out by the dimension that the circus exists within.
Concluding this initiation, I am then transported to a large wooden hall, sunlight bleeds in through large ornamental windows that embody the majority of each wall. The orders members, including myself, are all sat in a circle and we are discussing the endeavours of the black magic order, and what actions we can take and put in place to prevent the further suffering of the spirits trapped within this circus town. One of the order members, Diane, is in a fit of hysterical tears, her husband, Keith, had been captured by the black magic order some ten years ago. His disappearance was a mystery to the order and everyone had always hoped that the circumstances that led to his disappearance were of a positive disposition, however everyone knew the reality and fragile nature that this optimism lay upon; and the hard truth had risen to the surface. The hard truth being that Keith, had indeed been captured by the black magic order some ten years ago, and in the duration of those ten years, had been ruthlessly tortured beyond all comprehend-able means of what should be allowed to exist within the realities that we find ourselves in.
To those of us that are good, the depths of evil and immorality have no bounds and comprehensive nature, to comprehend these deeds and actions, is to witness them with divine intention; you do not comprehend a darkness as such without working with it from either the dark or the light side. The nature of the energy lies in such a heavy disposition that you have to have intention with it in order to even perceive it, to be the victim of such energy, is paralleled to insanity. Everyone in the order was deeply both saddened and disturbed by the revelatory nature of this information; and we were all brainstorming what we could do in order to restore Keith to a harmonious experience of existence, believe me when I say that that black magic order is beyond fucking ruthless, a Lynchian nightmare by all means.
During the next stage of this dream, the order was on a mission, a mission to retrieve a magical amulet that Keith had been working to obtain and consequently had resulted in Keith's disappearance. The origins and location of this amulet had fallen into obscurity and mystery with the disappearance of Keith and all priorities regarding this matter had been placed on finding Keith. However with the revelation of this information regarding Keith, we had also ascertained the location of the amulet, but all be it, naïve we were. The amulet seemed to have been hidden in plain sight, locked in one of the numerous barns and warehouses that spanned across the city, and we knew its exact location. We entered with discretion and caution, aware of the dangers that may be lurking within the darkened, cobwebbed corners of this barn. As we navigated the nature of this barn in quest of the amulet, we discovered a large infrastructure integrated into the foundation of the barn, a huge cage, full of hay, troths and other animal housing equipment, assuming that this cage was designed to keep animals captive. One of the younger members of the ordered entered to retrieve the amulet, that seemed to lay dormant within a chest situated in the centre of the cage.
As the order member approached the chest within the cage, a sudden shift took place, all light was stripped of existence, paired with a series of large clanging sounds, then, in a single moment, one source of light opened to us, a window, situated on the second floor and overlooking the cage opened. Inside the window, three magicians from the black magic order, the leader, who has been prevalent in my dreams spanning for over a decade now, wore the Bauta mask, reminiscent of the masked figure overlooking the sex ritual in Stanley Kubrick's “Eyes Wide Shut”, and detailed within the graphic design located on the left hand side of this journal. This window opened, light shot out, and the black magicians stood in silhouette form amongst the light shooting past them and into the barn. The clanging sound was the sound of all the doors within the cage slamming closed and locking, trapping our order member inside and forcing them into hiding. As they hid amongst the hay barrels and other farming equipment, a dire sense of tension permeated throughout the barn and order members; and we knew in an instant that this was a dire situation being undertaken.
The black magicians ordered our order member to seize hiding and make their presence and location known. Reluctantly the order member seized to obey this order and remained in hiding, knowing the consequence that he would face if he were to reveal himself. Two more orders were given with increasing threats laid upon them, which were also disregarded by the order member. Then in a moment, deathly silence laid upon the barn for a few moments, and in a sudden moment, the solitary wailing sound of a baby crying penetrated all space and corners of the barn, and, out of nowhere, a baby in a manger was crying in the middle of the barn. The black magician which we will refer to as Bauta then said, chuckling, “that got your attention didn't it? Well then, you had better come out now hadn't you? For you are now faced with a morale conundrum, do you stay in hiding? So that I can release these hell hounds and ravage every cell of living organism that exists within that cage. Or do you come out, and save the life of an innocent infant?”. Seven to eight hell hounds then charged the cage, foaming from the mouth as though they were rabid, eyes glowing fiery red with a charge of destruction and annihilation. The white magic order remains pure, compassionate, loving and caring, no actions would ever be taken by us that would purposely result in suffering and destruction. We had no choice, the pull of light and compassion swarming our hearts like hell had tainted a divine nectar, the order member stepped out, revealing himself, only to vanish into the darkness of the black magicians captivity with a sneer and laugh of Bauta. Bad times ensued and, fortunately, this scene within the dream came to an end.
Emerging forth into the barn scene! Which again, was equally traumatising dark and disturbing. In this scene I found myself alone, again on a mission, on a quest! I was something of a detective, scouring the hidden corners of the circus town, hoping to unravel some information that may lay the foundation of our order members recovery. I had come across some information, that the black magic order had once used this barn to operate from, however after a failing on their behalf, the activities of this barn had become public knowledge and they were forced to relocate. I had been told that if I knew what to look for, then I would find the information I sought hidden within the barn. As I entered the barn, sunlight crept through the wooden cracks of its walls, illuminating dust that had accumulated and spread with the act of my entry. It was both a farming and living barn, hay barrels scattered throughout the location, paired with farming equipment and wooden furniture, all abandoned and left to decay. There was a upper level that over looked part of the lower level before the lower level descended beneath it and underneath the floor was a series of chests, desks, books and general detritus that may hold the key to my fellow Fraters / Soro's return. As I approached this area of the barn, Bauta revealed himself on the upper level, he derives a sense of power having the opportunity to look down on his potential targets, although he is above them. Again he had two comrades with him, however this time they were not his fellow order members but rather two tall and daunting demons that he had paired with, and they wanted me, and wanted me bad. I instantly ushered into a state of panic, knowing that I was alone and had entered into a trap of the black magicians making, I scampered into the alcove underneath the first floor. Bauta and the demons then jumped and levitated down the ground floor behind me and had cornered me.
Before I knew it, I was crucified and pinned to the wall of the barn, two torches of fire either side me on the wall and distorted daylight trickled through the barn in a glitching manor. Bauta and the demons gleamed with sadistic intention stipulated through my capture and crucifixion. Swiftly, they opened a small portal to which they pulled a sword out of, the sword was old, rusty and decrepit, it held the shape of a long needle with a domed hilt that contained a fiery red gemstone. Be not mistaken, this was a ritual sword that their order had been utilising for centuries in accordance to the black magicians nefarious objectives. They took this sword and put it through me, right to the domed hilt containing the ruby gem, I felt it, a hole, a void formed inside of me to cater for the space the sword demanded from my body. But I tell you one thing, when you face these fuckers, you face them, you look them in the eye and you give them no fear, no pain, no suffering, nothing for them to feed on, you make their actions the result of their failings and you shine a light on that and reflect it to them. However in this instance, my ego had gotten the better of me and I wanted to shit on them, so I looked them in the eyes, chuckled, and said, “is that really all you've got, I expected more”. They turned and gazed at each other, realising the nature of their failings and the consequent humiliation that their actions had led to, and realising that they would be unable to torture me through means of physical scrutiny, resulted to means that they only used as a last resort as conducting these means was energy consuming and draining upon them, they opened a portal to the black lodge and were pulling energy directly from the lodge in order to torture me, they took a live cat, and forced me to watch as they tortured the cat with physical pain.
This, was unavoidable, inescapable and brutalist torture that I endured, I can still see the cat in my minds eye, pinned to a table, dissected and having its internal organs mutilated whilst it wained a groaning sound that beggars all description. Its impossible for me to stipulate through the means that language provides the volume and depth of love that I have and hold for cats, there is probably no other means of torture they could impart upon me that would have had the same effect. As I plunged into the depths of this emotional depravity, spiralling deeper and deeper into the helplessness I had and the suffering that my existence there was causing for this cat, it makes me want to cry as I type this. As I spiralled down and down into the depths of this rabbit hole, the pain became so excruciating, so large, that the universe itself started to feel and acknowledge its presence, and when the universe does that, it doesn't fuck about, as I descended to the bottom of this rabit hole of suffering, divine intervention took place and a portal opened within their portal, which turned me into pure light, pure golden light, to which I could manifest anywhere I wanted to, obviously I manifested into the caring quarters of our order, where my fellow frates / sorotes took me with their caring arms and pulled me into and through the path of divine healing and recovery.
The next experience that I found my existence within was situated in a labyrinth of sewers and catacombs, a vast network of sewer systems and catacombs existed beneath the circus. This place really was a cavernous maze and a gigantic network, so much so, that a large group of fringe individuals, rejects of society, dwelled within this labyrinth. These individuals were generally speaking, really not very well, full of boils, tumours and other nefarious deformations. A lot of these individuals were victims of the black magic order and it was evident, the black magicians had invoked and induced ways of living that were extremely detrimental to healthy practices. For example, if you induce emotional trauma within an individual, and then make recovery and healing practices impossible to obtain, or just keep people ignorant of them, these individuals can easily fall into bad eating habits, drug consumption, lack of exercise, netflix, sunlight deprivation and the general qualities of life that allow the human condition to thrive.
It was within these sewers that I found myself, with a friend that was not actually a part of the order but an ally none the less, in my waking life; I have felt that this friend of mine exhibits qualities and behaviours unconsciously, that really cater to unhealthy practices and bad behaviours. In the sewers, our aim was to aid and assist the community of rejects that had inhabited the labyrinth, providing them with healthy food and resources that would allow for better practices of living and also allow for them to heal. One of the saddest things was seeing how these people really had been rejected by society, they had accepted being rejects and didn't expect any sympathy, help or recognition from those living on the surface level. So when me and my friend gave them an ear, and aided them in whatever form and way that we could, it was so deeply appreciated, to the point that you could feel their gratitude, you could see the level of gratitude expressed in their physical form, so much so that it was painful. Why the fuck, ever, should an individual get to a point that they feel that they have so little value that even someone looking and talking to them makes them feel human, what the fuck is wrong with people? Have you ever seen the Elephant Man? Joseph Merrick is a classic example of the way in which society places value and judges individuals based on nothing more than their physical appearance. Let me tell you, its fucking disgusting and once again, you'll find me putting a fire up the ass of that shit.
As we navigated around this catacomb and labyrinth, interacting with the individuals in there and assisting wherever we could, suddenly everything went still and quiet, a loud bang happened and a locked door that was situated on the walking level, above the sewerage, opened, this mist came oozing out of the doorway illuminated by the light that preceded it. Then this demon stepped out, Alistair Crowley's depiction of the demon “Foras”, a man with a huge 3ft long erect penis. His penis with gyrating and vibrating, it was shuddering and violating the laws of physical existence, really, it was something to behold and it was also utterly terrifying. Foras then just sprinted at us, with his huge cock vibrating, shuddering and gyrating, instinctively, we just ran as it was utterly terrifying having this demon with his huge erect cock being shoved in your retinas. And ran we did, and we just ran, and ran, through this labyrinth, I don't think that I've ever ran so much in a dream before! So much so that it actually got a bit boring, at this point, I then stopped and said to my mate, “I'm not even sure what we are running from at this point, I think Foras is just in it purely for the chase”. With this acknowledgement everything just calmed down, we stopped running and within an instant there was no longer any Foras or anything worth running from, but on first appearance he really was utterly terrifying, that shuddering and gyrating penis houses a permanent place within my conscious field.
The final scene now commences! It was on the peripheral of the circus city, amongst the walls and gates entering and leaving the city that this scene took place in. I was with my friend still, and we were able to come in and out of the gates of our own will, however most of the individuals that existed in the circus city could not leave it. It was strange as it was although this circus city existed in its own dimension of space and time, and that in leaving, you would actually be dimension hopping, rather than going to another location that existed in that dimension, you literally had to leave the entire dimension, which made the fact that entities were trapped there, even sadder and more daunting. During this scene, I was liaising with one of the black magicians victims, and they were utterly in love with me, they were captivated by me and throwing themselves at me, but they did not look physically appealing, their skin was dry, flaky, covered in pimples and boils, they were missing a lot of teeth, they were bleeding and generally, of an ill disposition. However their persona, their energy, was extremely contrary to this and it was difficult to maintain the boundaries that I felt I needed to maintain in order to remain comfortable. Rejecting this individual was difficult but something that I felt I had to do, in order to be truthful to myself and my core values. My friend was trying to convince me that I should go for it, and that I shouldn't be so shallow and that I should be more open to behaving in such a manor. But I saw the repercussions of such behaviours, the toll that they have on the human form and the consequently resulting experiences that they give forth to, and I wasn't on-board in any manor. For these individuals to heal properly, I would not be able to give myself to them, only offer guides and show through experience and practice better ways of existing and practising health. With a heart full of sympathy, I had to reject this person, I did not have the ability to take them out and give them the life that I felt they deserved to experience, as much as I wanted to help them, I just couldn't, and this is something that we all have to accept, we cant help and control everyone and everything, acting like you can is just going to destroy yourself, I know that from personal experience.
I then left the circus town, in very much the same manor that I entered it through, with an aerial flyover of the circus city, parallel to the opening scene of Kubrick's “The Shining”. You could see the energies that were permeating through the city coming into a spiral of a closure and receding into the depths of the universal mysteries. That was one hell of a dream, quiet literally, I don't think I've ever experienced such depravity and melancholy in either my waking life or any other dream that I've ever had. One of the interesting things about this experience is that before I went to sleep that night, I thought it would be an interesting experience to try and inhale a small amount, say 20mg, of dimitri, and then immediately go to sleep and put my brain into sleep mode; I haven't tried it again since, but also have had some dreams of paralleled intensity on days that I've inhaled the sweet sweet nectar that is dimitri. Also another very interesting facet of this dream, was that I broached the topic with my friend, that I thought he was fucking around with some dark energy that presented itself in the form of a clown and circus. When I broached this topic with my friend, he looked utterly shocked, his jaw dropped and he said to me “bro how the fuck do you know that?” I told him, “bro, I seen it in a dream mate”. He, like me, was lost for words, its not everyday that you get a prophetic vision, but when you do, you feel that shit.
